A Difference Between Germans and Americans

In the U.S., it's pretty standard to do the "Hi, how are you?" and expect nothing more than "I'm fine, and you?" We do this automatically, and it's assumed that the small talk won't go any further than that.

It is not the same with Germans. I learned about this from my professor last semester. Instead of saying "I'm fine", Germans will unleash a hellfire of complaints, gloomy predictions about the future, and pessimistic discontents about politics, work, their love lives, or the world at large. It's not uncommon to bring up the apocalypse. Case in point:

I was walking back from class this morning and ran into one of my flatmates outside our building. This already had the potential to be awkward since I'm not really pals with this one. I let him in and asked him, in German, how he was.

Even though I knew that Germans treat this question differently, I still expected a general you're-my-American-flatmate-so-I'm-going-to-keep-this-short-and-sweet kind of deal. This was not the case. Instead, the conversation went like this:

Me: "How are you?"
E.: "I'm awful. I have too much work, too much stress, it's too cold outside, I have exams in two weeks, and life is going to be completely horrible until then."
Me: "...........................well, it IS cold today."

We descended the remaining 60 stairs in silence. It was completely awkward.

Now, I think I'll try to gather all my grievances into a couple of handy sentences to use on my flatmate when he asks me how I am. No more "I'm fine" - I'll be complaining about my schoolwork, the weather, my finances, German washing machines, my friends, American politics, anything and everything. Let the fun begin!